Returning from a family holiday in Spain, where we spent long days on the beach in and out of the sea, I came across a blog post by Jessica that stopped me in my tracks. She was writing to all the women who sit on the sidelines: feet barely dipped in the water, sheltering behind a parasol, too worried about how they look to participate. Her message was direct: “don’t wear a veil of shame this summer, put that swimsuit on”.
She’s right, of course. As well as being a lot of fun, running around the beach with our children sends a powerful message – that life is good.
But for many women, it’s not that simple.
There is a well-documented link between how a mother feels about her own body and the body image her children develop – daughters especially. But boys pick up on this too.
As mothers, we want our children to feel naturally confident and at ease in their bodies. Every day, through everything we say and do, we are guiding them to that relationship. Daughters, especially, take in on a cellular level how their mother feels about being a woman.
Research by dr Northrup shows that daughters take in, almost at a cellular levels, the cues their mothers send about what it means to inhabit a female body. When we wince at our own reflection, when we skip the swim because we don’t like how we look in a swimsuit, our children are watching – and learning.
What if a mother doesn’t feel too great about herself? A HuffPost piece captured this tension with painful honesty in its title alone: “How do I teach my girls to love their bodies when I hate mine?”
“I read the words of these strong women who talk about embracing their love handles, saggy boobs and extra padding because it is all part of their journey to have their babies. In theory, I totally get it and they are 100 percent right. I desperately want to feel that way. But if I’m being honest, I’m on the opposite side of the spectrum”. And when she notices she is always seen and literally absorbed by her girls, she writes: “Instilling a positive body in my girls is my job. It’s a huge responsibility. My 3rd grader is already coming home talking about peers saying they’re fat and it makes me want to throw up.”
I know so many women feel this way, at least until the hormonal and psychological shift of menopause finally loosens its grip.
What we call imperfections are often symptoms
This is something I see often in my clinical work with women. How you feel about your body is not separate from how your body is functioning. When digestion is compromised, hormones are out of balance, or nutrient status is low, it can affect not only how you feel physically, but how you see yourself. Supporting the body at this level often shifts both.
Positive body image does not mean ignoring what the body is telling us. Some of what we dismiss as cosmetic – or berate ourselves for – are clinical signals worth paying attention to.
Thinning eyebrows can be a sign of hypothyroidism, particularly when accompanied by fatigue or sluggish digestion.
Dry, rough skin often reflects insufficient dietary fats
Even cellulite is commonly a symptom of sluggish bile flow and congested lymphatic drainage.
These are not flaws to fight against or mask, but messages to understand.
Rather than accepting things as “normal”, we can begin to do something about them, while holding the torch of healthy body image as high as we can, with awareness and self-care.
It’s helpful to remember that our bodies are continuously renewing. We have an entirely new body every 7 years, our skin is renewed every 3 weeks, our colon cells every 3 days, and all of our blood cells are completely renewed every 4 months. What we eat, what we think, and how we live all have an enormous potential in creating the body that we want.
This is where real change begins – when we start working with the body, rather than against it. It’s also the work I do with women every day.
References
Muttarak, R. 2018. Normalization of Plus Size and the Danger of Unseen Overweight and Obesity in England. Available in https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/oby.22204
Northrup, C. 2005. Mother-Daughter Wisdom. Understanding the crucial link between mothers, daughters, and health.
Sobel R. 2017. How Do I Teach My Girls To Love Their Bodies When I Hate Mine? Available in: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-do-i-teach-my-girls-to-love-their-bodies-when-i_us_5a196d11e4b0250a107bff87
Trusty, A. 2014. Bringing body love into dance class: a new way of teaching. Available in: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/amanda-trusty/bringing-body-love-into-d_b_5732888.html
Turner, J. 2014. Put on that swimsuit. Available in: http://www.themomcreative.com/2014/06/put-on-that-swimsuit.html
