Returning from a family holiday in Spain recently where we enjoyed a great deal of time on the beach, in and out of the sea and playing ball games, I read a blog post by Jessica Turner which caught my attention. She was responding to the many women who, too concerned with what they look like, sit on the sidelines on holiday, perhaps with only feet dipped in the water or sheltering in the shade of a beach parasol. Her call to all mothers was “don’t wear a veil of shame this summer, put that swimsuit on”. We all know that as well as being a lot of fun, running around the beach and in the water with the children is a big yes to life and sends a powerful message to our children that life is good. It gets everything moving – our blood, our connection to the children and ourselves, and even our libidos.
There is also the connection between how the mother feels about her body and the messages she sends to her children, especially to her daughters, but boys pick up on this, too.
As mothers, we all want our children to feel naturally confident and happy about their bodies, and who they are. Every day, through everything we say and do, we are guiding them to connect with who they are. Daughters especially take in on a cellular level how their mother feels about being a woman.
What if a mother doesn’t feel too great about herself? I recently came across this article, its title gives away the heartbreaking reality of the paradox: “How do I teach my girls to love their bodies when I hate mine?”
“I read the words of these strong women who talk about embracing their love handles, saggy boobs and extra padding because it is all part of their journey to have their babies. In theory, I totally get it and they are 100 percent right. I desperately want to feel that way. But if I’m being honest, I’m on the opposite side of the spectrum”. And when she notices she is always seen and literally absorbed by her girls, she writes: “Instilling a positive body in my girls is my job. It’s a huge responsibility. My 3rd grader is already coming home talking about peers saying they’re fat and it makes me want to throw up.”
I know so many women feel this way, at least until the menopause when women really emerge as their own. So, is it enough to “put that swimsuit on” and forget about it all? I would say yes, do that and keep doing it as it will create a new pathway in yourself. It will get you out of your comfort zone and it will definitely initiate a positive shift. But developing a positive body image is a journey, and I’ve walked it myself – I am so much more at ease about my body now then I was before I had my 3 children, but I’ve done a lot of inner work to get to this place. The good thing is that it doesn’t need to take long.
It all starts within. Affirmations and every day rituals are very effective.
Louise Hay often mentioned that the first hour after awakening determines how you spend the rest of your day, and that how you start your day is often how you live your life.
“If you are a busy mum who needs to get the children ready for school, or if you have to get to work early, it’s important to give yourself some time to start your day off in the right way. I would rather wake up earlier to have this extra time in the morning. Even if you give yourself only 10 or 15 minutes, this is absolutely essential. It’s your time for self-care. When you get up, it’s important to do a ritual that feels good to you and to say something to yourself that makes you feel good. Set in motion the best day possible for yourself.”
This is an affirmation that works. I gave it to women and teenagers for International Women’s Day circle I facilitated last year in Bali and many participants had later told me how it helped them transform. Every time you look at yourself in the mirror, smile and say to yourself in the mirror “I love you. I love you. I really love you”. Do this as many times as you can every day, for minimum 21 days. Create a ritual around it whenever you are at home and whenever it is possible. You can do this on a train or driving a car, just make sure you direct the intention of the affirmation to yourself. You could get your children to join you in this ritual! If you can, light candles around your bathroom mirror, and really admire your skin. Touch it, caress it, the skin over your face, your neck and your breasts. The touch itself will create a beautiful glow in your skin that other people will immediately notice! Remember that touch is good medicine and affects every aspect of your health – it can lower your blood pressure, cortisol levels, improve memory and even help with migraines.
Observe all your thoughts and feelings about how this is mad, or about how many imperfections you have. Let them fly out and away. After 21 days you will probably notice a shift, and when you see yourself naked in a full-length mirror and feel self-acceptance and love, and when you feel comfortable about being seen naked, that’s when you know you are in a new place.
Self-love extends to our health and, as mothers, we also model to our children what is good to eat, how to eat it, and how to live our lives. We pass a vast amount of information about health through both conscious and unconscious advice. If you were taught that your “good” behavior as a child was rewarded with sugary foods, then you may be more likely to develop a tendency towards having an emotional attachment to sweets. As a little girl, I was always asked to eat everything that was on my plate and then encouraged to ask for a second helping even when I felt full. For years afterwards I have struggled with overeating, and I know that many women overeat because of a similar unconscious pattern inherited from their mothers and within the family kitchen! When we understand this, we can make conscious choices.
Our bodies are amazing and self-renewing. We have an entirely new body every 7 years, and our skin is renewed every 3 weeks, our colon cells every 3 days, and all of our blood cells are completely renewed every 4 months. What we eat, what we think, and how we live our lives have an enormous potential in creating the body that we want and even has the potential to ward off genetic disease. Loving our bodies, loving ourselves means doing all we can do be in optimal health.
Of course, it is not about accepting everything – after all, many “imperfections” may be a symptom of a deeper issue. For instance, thinning eyebrows may indicate a thyroid condition, dry skin is usually because of not including enough healthy fats in the diet, menstrual cramps indicate a hormonal imbalance and possibly nutritional deficiencies such as in Magnesium, and any cravings tell us a lot about our state of health. Even cellulite is usually a symptom of an inadequate bile flow and congested lymphatic system (I will write about vanishing cellulite in my next post as I have extensive personal and clinical experience in this area).
Rather than accepting things as “normal”, we can begin to do something about them, while holding the torch of healthy body image as high as we can, with awareness and self-love. This is how women initiate a real shift in how we feel about ourselves, add radiance to how we look, and model to our children the skills to do the same.
Love
Magda
References
Hay, L. Mirror Work
Muttarak, R. 2018. Normalization of Plus Size and the Danger of Unseen Overweight and Obesity in England. Available in https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/oby.22204
Northrup, C. 2005. Mother-Daughter Wisdom. Understanding the crucial link between mothers, daughters, and health.
Sobel R. 2017. How Do I Teach My Girls To Love Their Bodies When I Hate Mine? Available in: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-do-i-teach-my-girls-to-love-their-bodies-when-i_us_5a196d11e4b0250a107bff87
Trusty, A. 2014. Bringing body love into dance class: a new way of teaching. Available in: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/amanda-trusty/bringing-body-love-into-d_b_5732888.html
Turner, J. 2014. Put on that swimsuit. Available in: http://www.themomcreative.com/2014/06/put-on-that-swimsuit.html
The Power of Touch, 2015 https://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/power-touch
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